goodbye

our grandma just died.. at the age of 95.

she was turning 96 on sunday i think.. im not sure but what i know is that her birthday was within next week..

that would have been cool.. to have the same date of birth and date of death.

RIP granny.

sigh sigh..

im scared..

scared of what lies ahead..

scared of what the future holds..

scared of what my life would be like..

where i would be, who i would be..
(a nobody.. an entity that only exists to occupy a small small space in this world)

scared that i might not be good enough for her..
(i really am..)

karaoke

9:00am school
yesterday morning accompanied my sister to school because she had an exam.. met up with 2 friends and ate at pizza hut.. honestly i really wanted to try the penne in tomato cream sauce.. hmmm.. its ok, almost good but still just ok (for my taste).

8:00pm grill
my friend's birthday today and last night we celebrated in a place you wouldn't expect to see in that city.. there was karaoke and food.. the food was okay.. hmmm..

they sang all night from around 9 til midnight.. i did not sing because im a big kill joy.. hehe! the night was ok.. except i got a little uncomfortable with this other friend who i think likes me! (feeling talaga ako lol)

she kept insisting on us taking a picture on her fone.. well, i did not allow her hehe! i told her about tina though.. she knew about her since last sem and she gives her a stare everytime she sees her in the library, this was last sem she graduated already so no more of her.

i gave my friend a book.. i dont know if she'll read it though.. its "the unbearable lightness of being by Milan Kundera"

i actually wanted to read it when i bought it.. hmmm.. maybe il get myself a copy after i finish reading "the curious incident of the dog in the night time by Mark Haddon" i stopped reading it for more than 2 months now just because i was not in the mood.. but going to the bookstore yesterday and seeing so many books made me want to read again.

1:00am home
got home it was 1 in the morning and i was so tired because i was out of the house almost the whole freakin day. before sleeping thought of her.. thought of texting her but i figured maybe i shouldn't because i may look obsessive and psycho if i text her too often.

i think my brother is pissed because i wore his red shirt yesterday.. whoops! my bad.

wat thee fuck?

people.. most try to be someone who they are not.. but i guess its okay.

its finals week.. i was having my finals on a filipino subject.. i have this classmate nathaniel.

he is psycho i dont know how his gf puts up with him..
honestly, i dont even know how he managed to get a gf!

we're the same in a way.. short fused.. gets heated up easily..
but i dont explode in class..
nope i dont do that because its psycho and immature.

what he did was he banged the door so loud everyone must have been wondering what the fuck was happening.. im not sure what happened but i think it was because someone occupied his seat? (what the fuck?! thats it??)

when i got in the class.. someone was siting on my seat and i just sat somewhere else.. whats the big deal? it did give me a harder time to cheat.. but i managed to copy the paper of the girl seated at my back..

i dont know what his problem is.. but if he is smart as they say he is.. i dont see a goddam problem if he sits somewhere else..
chill out man.. its just a stupid seat.

but you know what i think?
i think he has a problem with his masculinity..
i dont know.. thats what i think..
and thats why he always try to act all tough in front of everyone..
trying to look macho and smart and all that..
but you dont have to do that.. cause you arent proving anything by doing all those things.. just be yourself.. although sometimes you have to be plastic depending on the situation.

or maybe he's just plain arrogant..
he did rudely treat a professor last semester..
accusing her of favoritism in front of the whole class not thinking that without her (the professor) he would be nothing!
nothing at all and no one would even know he exists..
what an ungrateful bastard.. it was the professor who let him join all those marketing competitions.

nathaniel = jerk
you can go to hell, fucker.

ugly

people say im not ugly.. but are they just saying that because they dont wanna hurt me?

here comes some drama..

that's why i ask my mom and little sister almost everyday if im ugly or not..
i know they'll say im not ugly.. it helps me with my confidence when they say that..
and i appreciate it a lot.

i go like this when i like a girl.. somehow i feel im not good enough for that person.. its stupid isnt it?
so stupid..
but thats the problem with people like me who have low self confidence.

sigh.

yipee

bought a new fone today..

motorola slvr L7

transfered some music to my fone through the usb port..
have a problem though.. in the manual it says..

"when you finish, remove the device by selecting the "safely remove hardware" icon in the system tray at the bottom of your computer screen. then select "usb mass storage devices" and "stop".

select "usb mass storage device" then "ok".

i did this but something like "cant stop the blah blah now, try again later" something like that..

it kept saying that so i just pulled the plug from the fone.. nothing seemed to happen or maybe i just think nothing happened but my fone has been damaged already? hmmm.. then i did the same thing clicked that and this and the usb thingy i was able to safely remove..

hmmmm...
hmmm...

yipee

bought a new fone today..

motorola slvr L7

transfered some music to my fone through the usb port..
have a problem though.. in the manual it says..

"when you finish, remove the device by selecting the "safely remove hardware" icon in the system tray at the bottom of your computer screen. then select "usb mass storage devices" and "stop".

select "usb mass storage device" then "ok".

i did this but something like "cant stop the blah blah now, try again later" something like that..

it kept saying that so i just pulled the plug from the fone.. nothing seemed to happen or maybe i just think nothing happened but my fone has been damaged already? hmmm.. then i did the same thing clicked that and this and the usb thingy i was able to safely remove..

hmmmm...
hmmm...

uncle sam - when i see you smile

what a fucking nice song!


Sometimes I wonder
How I'd ever make it through
Through this world without having you
I just wouldn't have a clue
Sometimes it seems like this world's closing in on me
And there's no way of breaking free
Then I see you reach out for me, oh
Sometimes I wanna give up
Wanna give in
Wanna quit the fight

Then one look at you baby
Can make everything alright
Make everything alright

When I see you smile
I can face the world
Oh, you know I can do anything
When I see you smile
I see a ray of light
Oh I see it shining right through the rain
When I see you smile
Baby when I see you smile at me

Baby there's nothing in this world that could ever do
What the touch of your hand can do
It's like nothing I ever knew
And when the rain is fallin'
I don't feel it 'coz you're here with me
And one look at you baby
Is all I ever need
It's all that I ever need

When I see you smile
I can face the world
Oh, you know I can do anything
When I see you smile
I see a ray of light
Oh I see it shining right through the rain
When I see you smile
Baby when I see you smile at me

Sometimes I wanna give up
Wanna give in
Wanna quit the fight
Then one look at you baby
Can make everything alright
Make everything alright

When I see you smile
I can face the world
Oh, you know I can do anything
When I see you smile
I see a ray of light
Oh I see it shining right through the rain
When I see you smile
Baby when I see you smile at me

arghhhh

finally logic class was over.. as i was walking my way out.. i was thinking how im gonna spend my 2 hr break.. probably stalk her.. haha jk!

then i got out of the door.. walking straight to the stairs..
i turned my head to the left.. there was something that made me turn..
i saw her standing there with the jerkoff..

why?

why was she looking at me?
when i looked at her she was already looking at me..
and everything seemed to stop at that moment.. the light hiting her face from the window.. it was only me and her at that moment..
a second seemed like a minute..
its crazy..
really crazy..

but..
why do i feel that she wants me too?


isa akong malaking torpe. sigh.

your beautiful - james blunt

i fucking love this song..


My life is brilliant.
My love is pure.
I saw an angel.
Of that I'm sure.
She smiled at me on the subway.
She was with another man.
But I won't lose no sleep on that,
'Cause I've got a plan.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true,
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
Cause I'll never be with you.

Yeah, she caught my eye,
As I walked on by.
She could see from my face that I was,
Fucking high,
And I don't think that I'll see her again,
But we shared a moment that will last till the end.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.

Lalala lalala lalala lalala laaaaaa

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
There must be an angel with a smile on her face,
When she thought up that I should be with you.
But it's time to face the truth,
I will never be with you

stalker

i think iv mentioned that i know most of her class schedule.. scary huh?

anyway as i was doing my daily stalking.. i was with this friend (the one who gave me tina's picture).. we were just standing outside the room where tina was..

before that rowena (the psycho girl) left her plastic envelop with my friend.. we dont like her just like a lot of people in school doesnt like her (i think).. i ate my ding dong and placed the empty wrapper inside her envelop..

she got pissed haha and i dont give a shit, really. its better that way no more fake "helows" from me. she was going to pull my hair daw when she sees me but we did meet before i went home and she just ignored me..
haha who cares? i dont fucking care. :)

your a psycho!

November 30, 2005
in love???(must see)

Once upon a time, na in love ako sa isang lalaki na halos pwede tawag sa kanya "crush ng bayan". noon una, di ko alam paano ko xa lapitan dahil takot ako. di ko alam ano pwede gagawin ng paraan para maging friend nya. cguro after ilan meetings, na pansin ko kaklase ko pala xa... of corz masaya ako dahil kaklase naman kami... naisip ko try to make friend and get close to him so kinausap ko xa kahit la ko masabi. so, ngayon maging close na kami at lagi makikita sa skul lagi kami say "hi!" to each other. masaya na ako kahit di kami mag-howe noh... =p


this aint mine.. this shit aint mine at all.. haha!
its from this psycho girl from school her name.. rowena..
rowena your a psycho!
rowena your a psycho!

haha cant imagine her reading this.. she's gona flip.
she's so friendly you'll end up hating her..
above is an entry from her friendster blog..
sweet! lol

u turn

Tonight it's been a year
We met each other here
Here I am all alone
As thoughts of you go on

Hear me cryin' out to you
You said, "Never, never would I leave"
Here's a tear from me to you
And maybe it will make you hear me

Chorus
I loved you
You didn't feel the same
Though we're apart
You're in my heart
Give me one more chance to
Make it real

In a dream you are here
You smile and hold me near
And in my heart I'll pretend
That you are here again

Hear me cryin' out to you
You said, "Never, never would I leave"
Here's a tear from me to you
And maybe it will make you hear me

Chorus x2

Give me one more chance to
Make it real


very nice song by U Turn titled "make it real" :)