God?

i read this book the heavenly man, its about the life of a christian in China.. i read it bcoz it was a requirement for my lidership clas but if it wasnt required i wont, and if i havent read it i wont think bad of christians. basically the book is about selfishness, God is selfish.. He wants people to die for him.. He wants poeple to turn away from everything that they want.. if you dont obey then you'll get screwed! i find it really selfish, dont you? and there was even this girl from the book that choose God over her family. i mean, how many people would do that nowadays? and if we choose our loved ones over God.. does that mean we will all go to the burning pits of hell? does that mean that billions are going to hell when He comes back for the second time? and what is this about suffering in the name of Christ? He wants us to suffer so that we can feel how He felt when He was being persecuted. if He does love us.. why let us suffer that much.. to humble us? but why to do extent that some people would kill themselves coz they cant take it anymore.. and then they say its a SIN to commit suicide!!! but its God's challenges that pushed them to the edge isn't it? its like God wanted them to die from all the hardship.. so why consider it a sin when your just freeing all the pain you feel? The pain that in the first place God has given to you? They say God gives challenges that He knows you can handle.. sana nga lahat tayo ganun ka strong. He makes life hard for us nu? i forgot some of the things mentioned in the book na eh.. the first 18 chapters siguro ok pa un story.. but on the way to the last chapters i was already disagreeing with their statements na, nakakulobot na nga nuo ko kasi i didnt like it! its hard to be a christian.. so many things are forbiden, so many rules to follow.. but where only human we make mistakes and we like getting dirty sometimes diba.. its normal naman diba? sabi nga nila "masarap ang bawal".. and when your a die hard christian.. what else can you do in this world? nothing! they say we should live our lives to the fullest.. but if your a christian and you follow the Word of God.. how do you do enjoy your life then? how many poeple would make such huge sacrifices for God? sigh... if God really exist and He is the creator of us all and He is the supreme ruler.. then i guess im so dead!! lol :)